So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
