What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
