One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
