Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Who died my cat blue again?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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