I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
