Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
