Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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