he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
