Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
