I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
