I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
