I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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