We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
sarcasm needs its own font
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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