Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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