I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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