fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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