i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
