it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
someone owes me an orgasm
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sext me about skeletons
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
