Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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