So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
