he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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My ATM looks so different sober.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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