A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
