Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
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Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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