apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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