Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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