It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm like, not good at living.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
