i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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