I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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