Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
