Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
