Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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