11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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