Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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