he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
