so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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