I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
