I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
