The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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