do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
