I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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