Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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