all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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