How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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