The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
