Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize