He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
