You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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