I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
did i walk over a car last night?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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