I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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