I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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