No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
