He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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