one might say we're banned from that church
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
