The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
