were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
