you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
