I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
