So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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