I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
