That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
40s are totally the cure
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
