OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
