He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
