so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
