Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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