dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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