the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
