If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
